Friday, March 31, 2006

My Awful Origins
Contrary to popular belief, I haven't always been this cool. Like a lot of kids, my taste in music was copied from an older sibling. I listened to everything my brother listened to. Thankfully there was enough good stuff (The Smiths, The Cure, Echo and the Bunnymen) to counteract the bad (INXS, George Michael -- that's right, I said it). This might explain why I now have similar love for all things awful and great.

Anyway, around this time, maybe a little earlier, I started using my allowance for my own music, and it was strictly soundtracks. Top Gun, Karate Kid 2, Beverly Hills Cop, Dragnet -- if it was terrible, I had it. (I also wrote stories whose plots bore suspicious resemblance to those of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars, and The Monster Squad). So when Fatso forwarded the Worst Videos of the 80s yesterday, I got sentimental for the bad taste of my youth. In particular, the video for "City of Crime" unmasked memories of when I'd pop the Dragnet soundtrack in my cassette player and CRANK IT. Yep, I was white.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Randy: prognosticator of changes to the metric system
You may remember Randy (scroll down a bit), the guy at the coffee shop. When he handed me my change today, he said "thanks a pantload". Suspicious, yet somehow he made it sound normal. I probably shouldn't joke. Fifty years from now, when we measure things in pantloads (pl's), I'll look back on this and be red-faced.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Be Back in a Few
Until I get around to posting something real again, please enjoy these superior condiments.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


HBO has a new show, Big Love. It's about a polygamous family, and deals with taboo issues like the roles of women, God, and pedophilia. But nothing was as controversial and shocking as the scene in which one unruly child ate Miracle Whip straight from the jar! I am forever blasphemed*.

*by this of course I mean disgusted. Mayo = bleh.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Rampage Dieting
Many have heard the tale of Chachi and his famous eating binge, probably multiple times as it's one of my favorite stories. For those who haven't, I'll catch you up. Once, we drove to Joshua Tree and back for a one-day camping trip. During that time, Chachi consumed the following...

Day 1:
-McDonald's trip 1: breakfast
-McDonald's trip 2: 20 piece chicken mcnuggets and large fries
-a jar of apple sauce
(there may have been a sandwich in here)
-a bag of chips
-a container of salsa
-a 20 ounce steak (it hung off the sides of the grill)
-4 smores
-12 beers

Day 2:
-6 eggs, 6 strips of bacon
-Bob's Big Boy lunch: cheeseburger, a salad, large chocolate shake

So yeah, it's not so much a story as it is an itemized list. I bring it up now because it gives me context for how I felt last Sunday morning. The ghosts of Carolyn and Orlando's amazing Beer n Cake party haunted my innards. The thing about a Beer n Cake party, I found out, is it's dangerous. You start off full from dinner and sober (or relatively sober), and eat three or four delicious cupcakes. "Well that's it for me," you tell yourself. But then, as you drink more beer, you forget how full you are, and eat more cake. Or cookie-brownies. Or other delicious desserts with angel food cake and cherries. At some point you may even excuse yourself to go take a breather in the other room. But then, you drink more beers and realize you've got to neutralize the sweetness with pita chips and hummus, and those desserts, those desserts just stare at you, looking all sexy and delicious. Before you know it, it's 1am and, unable to be upright any longer, you roll on the floor circling for the best place to settle, like a dog.

Unlike Chachi's bottomless cavern of a stomach, I woke up on Sunday full to the brim. When I talked, whole cupcakes ejected from my mouth, Pez-like. I used to make fun of Chachi for his unhealthy rampage-eating. Now I admire him.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Band For Sale
About a month ago, Josh's friend, Lindsey took pictures for our CD. This one didn't make the cut, so here it shall thrive. I'm not sure what we were going for -- I mean, the overall idea for the shoot was a weird kind of family portrait. But this one, I don't know. To me, it seems like a billboard you'd see in Germany. Of course, I've never been to Germany, but if I'm to make sweeping generalizations about a culture based on email links people send me (and I am), their ads are all kindsa sexed up and whacky.

Okay, so that's an Australian ad. Don't act like you didn't want it.

So what's our advertisement for? I'm going with corncob pipes. But the possibilities are endless, really. I'm looking at you, German corporations.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I didn't loathe Crash with the same zest of most people I know, but I remember walking out of the theatre being pretty underwhelmed. Then I kinda forgot about it until the oscar nominations came out and suddenly everyone started gushing about it. Then I kinda forgot about it again. Then, on Sunday, while watching all the clips during the Oscars, I remembered why I didn't like it. And now that it's won Best Picture, I have to say something because, you know, it's trendy to weigh in.

The biggest problem is the retardedly unrealistic story. Through contrived coincidences of discrimination, it suggests Angelenos are only connected by their blatant racism for each other. My friend, Addy grew up in Watts. She says I only think this movie is unrealistic because I'm white and have never been exposed to this kind of open racism. I almost busted my rhymes about growing up on the streets of PQ, but there wasn't a camera or an audience, so what's the point? (Seriously though, I just stopped talking. How would I not sound like an asshole after she told me that?).

Obviously people exist who are as blatantly racist as the characters in Crash. So to the extent that it gives a victim catharsis, the movie does its job, apparently. But as a commentary on racism in Los Angeles, it's akin to watching an episode of Hee-Haw and saying, "ah yes, now I understand the South". It feels like Paul Haggis visited here for a week, took in the melting pot, sat in some bad traffic, and decided to write a screenplay, which I guess wouldn't be so completely annoying if the city wasn't the main character in the damn movie. I love Don Cheadle's opening voice over, which basically says, "maybe people in LA get in car accidents just so they can interact with each other". If only I'd thought of that when I was single.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

After four months of recording, mixing, and mastering, our CD's almost done. For a sample, check out these hot cuts!

We're pretty proud of it. It's less garage-y than our EP, which basically means it sounds more "professional", which basically means you can actually hear the instruments and the vocals distinctly, thanks to Dave, Andy, and Joe. They made us respectable.

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