Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Can't I, Hammer? Can't I?
Sunday night, eating dinner, I window-shopped the channels. I soon discovered that the Video Music Awards were on, and every time I came back to MTV, Diddy was like, "Oh shit y'all, we've got some big surprises tonight. Anything can happen because it's MTV! Holy shit you can't handle it!" Then, when I flipped back for the final time, an updated MC Hammer was dancing it up to an updated "Cant Touch This" in updated parachute pants.

This lead me to wonder two things. 1.) Was this one of the big surprises that I couldn't handle?, and 2.) Terrorists, where are you when we need you?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Pork Angel
I've never consumed beef and beer like I've consumed them in the past week. Went to visit my parents for a scant three days. Celebrated mom's bday. Rode on their boat. Consumed beef and beer. And pork. Can't go to Wisconsin and NOT eat sausage. Unless you're a vegetarian or Jewish or a pork hater or crazy. Last night I got back from a one-day Vegas trip, still hung over and, again, full of sausage. At 4am, walking back to our hotel and craving hot dogs after being taunted by the closed Nathan's Famous kiosks in New York New York, Mr. Hot Dog appeared to us like an angel -- a pork angel (how else can you describe a 24-hour hot dog place?).

So today I figured I'd go back to work. (Don't worry, I sweated all the beer and pork out at band practice last night).

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Plug Machine

Sorry for the excessive promotion, but I saw the show last weekend, and it is indeed hilarious. There's some philosophical stuff I didn't get, but there's a whole lotta satire of America and its narrow world view that I did. I may have even chortled.

It's a cool space (a giant tree in a Griffith Park canyon), the cast is great, and if I may say so, the directing is pretty sweet, too. Not that I'm biased about that last part or anything. It ends Sunday, and it is worth a couple hours of your weekend. For realsies.

it's a shame about randy
There's this guy, Randy, at the coffee place I go to every morning. Late 30s. Wears a visor. He's REALLY chipper! It's beyond friendly. Beyond overly friendly. It's kinda eerie. I'm reminded of recent Tom Cruise interviews. Even wheen he's joking around, it's still intense. The laughter is in theory for fun, but you can tell it's covering up for the hollowness inside.

Or so I thought. Last week, I began to think I was being way to writery in my assessment of Randy. Maybe his amp's just turned to 11 all of the time.

Then today happened and I'm not so sure any more...


"Pretty good, how are you?"

[Says nothing as he pours the coffee]


[Violent snapping of fingers/nervous laugh]

"I... hope that doesn't..."


I want to tell Randy it's okay, mostly for my protection, but that might be awkward.

Friday, August 05, 2005

At work, once a month we get free cake. We're under no obligation to eat it. That's why it's free. One might say the free cake is a perk. I think of it as an umbrella in a hurricane of shit. But anyway.

There's one secretary. She's a Cat Lady. Few friends, lots of cats. She's a little overbearing, but otherwise I like her a lot 'cause she's got sass. Apparently she's also got an addiction to free stuff. Today when this message came over the office PA: "Cake is now being served in the kitchen; cake is now being served in the kitchen", she looked at me, flustered.

"Why are we having cake today?!"

"It's the first Friday of the month."

"It is?! [Pause]. Oh, hell!"

She threw her pen down, and stomped down the hall to the kitchen, probably cursing the damn free cake for being so damn free, and therefore irresistable. I suppose there was extra tension because she hadn't thought of it ahead of time, and now would have to face the angry mob that was pouncing on the free cake.

Yet, I totally get this impulse. If something is available to me with no financial burden (usually it's when there's ice cream, coffee, or beer around), I'll attack it, no matter how full my belly, or buzzing my head. I think this is a distinctly American condition.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

And now for some plugging

The black card may suggest something, well, dark, but this play is actually quite hilarious. (If you click on the picture, it should enlarge for you). What's more, Marah is PUMPED, perhaps more so than for her last few productions (shh, don't tell them). And to top that, it's outdoors in Griffith Park among the trees and the animals and the gnomes.* The cast is stellar and the show's short. What else could you possibly need on a summer afternoon?

Haven't sold you yet?

How 'bout a sweet post-show dinner in one of Los Feliz's nearby eateries? The play will drive you and a friend -- in a limo! -- to a restaurant of your choice. Of course, this is after it lays you down for a full-release massage and body wrap.

You can't say No!

If you do, the play will create false terrorism charges, and have you deported to Chechnya, where you'll wish you could see a play. You'll wish you could see anything but the constant explosions of car bombs and burning faces of babies, actually.

*gnomes not included

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