Tuesday, February 28, 2006

On Saturday I hit Disneyland again, thanks to free entry from Helen and her fellowship-winning ways. It was really crowded, but not teeming-with-mullets crowded. Maybe I just have to go in the summer, when the whole country descends on Anaheim. I'd like to think that Red vs. Blue stereotypes are mostly hype, but if the comments from the last post are any indication, then the mullets are still thriving in Central and Mountain time zones. Maybe it's true that they only come out of hiding when it's warm.

Or maybe it's Disney's fault. Maybe it's lost its edge, like Cougar.It's hard to imagine a more ubiquitous, penetrating force of Americana than Disney, but who knows? Maybe the mullets found somewhere new to congregate. Does Coke have a theme park yet? But seriously, mullets or no, that Soarin' Over California ride is The Shit!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

O Mullet, Where Art Thou?
Two weeks ago, I took my girlfriend to Disneyland for her birthday. It was pretty great. Middle of the week, free passes, no lines, warm weather.

But something was amiss. A few hours in, it hit me: there's a shocking lack of mullets. It used to be that, on a good day at Disneyland -- a long summer day -- I counted dozens, sometimes hundreds of mullets from all over the country. So what gives? Has the mullet run its course?

I think pop culture has created a mullet backlash. Remember all the jabronies who bought a Cartman T shirt after South Park came out? Or when Nirvana blew up and that douchy guy in your English class was suddenly sooo into them, and definitely done with Boyz 2 Men? The mullet's a great thing gone bad from hype, and now it seems we've scared off its proprietors.

If it is in fact dead, then that's just depressing. I'll miss the irony, sure. But more so, I'll miss the balls out-ness. A mullet makes a bold statement, a bold statement from a megaphone held up to a Marshall stack that's plugged into Eddie Van Halen's guitar. It'd be a genuine shame to lose that. And what about those of us who marveled at it before it was cool? What unifies us now? Moustaches?! Not even close!

Friday, February 17, 2006

I Hate Guitar Center
I dread going to Guitar Center. It's overpriced and the employees, while good musicians, are class A Dipshits. If they're not jerking themselves off by whaling on the instruments, they're out for your blood. Like vampires minus the lady-killing charm, they wear down your defenses until you have to surrender. Tragically, the only other place to buy drum stuff closes at 5:30, and is open for like ten minutes on the weekend.

Last night I went to buy a cymbal, and as I approached the counter to check out, I overheard one vampire sniffing out some victims. They said they needed a few days to think about it. He warned them, 'Well, here's the thing. You definitely don't want to wait too long 'cause on Saturday mornings when we open the doors, there's literally 200 people waiting in line to get in here. They swoop in and snatch up all kinds of stuff. I might be able to put it on hold for you, but I don't recommend it..."

The guy ringing me up (Vampire 2) asked me if I wanted the warranty on my cymbal. I guess my 'no thanks' triggered the scent of blood in Vamp 1, because suddenly he was just eerily there. "No warranty, huh? That's cool. But you know I've got this same cymbal, and I don't know how hard you play -- I play pretty hard -- and mine started to crack within the first couple years. I didn't get the warranty either 'cause I bought it somewhere else, and I was totally screwed."

I kind of smiled and nodded (way too tentative a reaction in hindsight), so he cranked the Fear up to 11. "Sometimes these things, when they crack, whole pieces can fly off and can hit you in the face..."

The warranty covers instrument-inflicted hospital visits, too.

Finally I just coughed up the extra $20. Honestly, I would've paid more to get him to stop.

When I got to band practice, I recounted the tale to Josh. He told me he wanted to check out a guitar there once, and the sales guy plugged it in and just started soloing.

So now it's official. I'm cancelling my plans for Guitarmaggedon this weekend.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Some like it H.O.T.S.!
I think it was John Dietrick who, two nights ago, suggested we start a tradition of Bad Movie Night. Funny he should mention it, because last night I stumbled upon H.O.T.S.. A kind of early Valentine's gift from Marah (and by extension, Halie and Jeff, the owners), H.O.T.S. chronicles the struggles of the H.O.T.S., a sorority that takes a stand after the uptight other sorority whose name I don't remember calls The H.O.T.S. out or something. Then there's some con men, a seal, Danny Bonnoducci, a bear, hot-air balloons, and finally, a touch-football game where the H.O.T.S. and Other Sorority have to battle for... best sorority? That wasn't clear. But, like the guy who wrote the User Comment on the imdb page says, "I would take mindless nudity over pivotal plot points any day". Indeed.

That imdb page is pretty great, actually. The same guy critiques the movie for "plenty of T, not enough A". And then, on the message boards, someone posted something entitled, "hot chicks except for the fat one".

So... H.O.T.S. anyone?

this could be the post that gets me fired
An attorney just called me and asked where our only black employee was. I told him he's out until Thursday. Then this conversation happened:

Him: Really?... Hmmm... Well, you would know this. What's common slang that black people use for white people?

Me: Uh...

Him: Honky?

Me: Yeah. Or Cracker.

Him: What's more popular?

Me: Uh, Cracker I guess.

Him: Thanks.

Despite the douchebaggery that's common around here, people generally have a pretty good sense of humor with each other. So I'm guessing this was benign. Nevertheless, it was the greatest conversation I've had here. Maybe ever anywhere.

Friday, February 10, 2006

My Messiah

Lately, people have sent me thousands of pictures of David Hasslehoff (or three -- one of his pictures packs the punch of a thousand). This Pepsi one was sent by LA Girl. My friend, Halie, sent me this more casual, yet still dangerous pic on my birthday.

And recently, I came across this amazing video.

Then, the other day, I saw this trailer for the upcoming Adam Sandler movie, co-starring David. And of course, who could forget that my ringtone is the theme from Knight Rider?

I think the universe is trying to tell me a couple things: 1.) I need to travel to Germany to connect with other fans who find themselves cosmically linked to David; 2.) I need to buy Baywatch: the Complete Series on DVD.

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