SPRINNGGG BREEAAAKKKK!!!!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

In lieu of a Christmas card, I'm giving you this, which should sum up my life as one on the prowl for some freelance work.

From Craig's List

JUGGLER NEEDS COMEDY WRITER

I am 32 year old 15yr pro cruiseship juggler. Body not holding up and want more years in the biz. Need material to start weeding out juggling (and the hack!!). Basically, more patter between bits, then eventually less and less juggling until none. Have great stage presence and already big success in cruise ship market (tho wanting to venture into real world). Venues to perform bits are plentiful, fortunately

Sick Day

I was too sick to go to work today, which I think might be karmic retribution for entertaining the possibility of taking a day off "just because I can" to Leigh and Marah last week. They have real jobs, and no such whimsical options. On the bright side, it's raining, which is good Sick Day weather. It's like the world outside feels just as achey and couch-bound as I do. Sunny weather's the worst when you're sick. It just taunts you with its warmth and freewheelin' good times. But the timing for a day like this is pretty good. Tomorrow I leave for Austin, and have the requisite laundry and packing to do.

And the TV! I guess it's been a while since I experienced daytime TV. Soaps, talk shows (Springer's still on?), and incredible commercials aimed at homemakers, the injured, and women who are as old as the hills. Betty White is doing spots for pet medicine now, DeVry is hyping their degree in Video Games, and Larry H Parker still wants to represent you. (A disappointing lack of Court Shows, however).

Right now I'm catching up on DVR'd episodes of Subterranean, which is a little dangerous. I've already itunes-ified a few songs, which is something I don't do often, actually (buying songs vs. albums). I guess Sick Day has taught me to be a good consumer. Hurray! Cough.

RIP Ike, Viva la Tina

I may have mentioned my co-worker before. To recap, he's 57, is stoned frequently, holds a Purple Heart from Vietnam, recently stole our paper cutter, is sometimes hilarious, and grew up in Waco, Texas. Also, he's black, which is only important for the following. When he was 15, he snuck into a bar to see Ike and Tina. Few bands came to Waco then, which apparently had a large black population, but was run by racist good ol boys. So when two black performers blew through, it was a big deal.

During the show, a fight broke out between two drunk guys in the audience. Apparently, it was more than just a scuffle, because Tina stopped the show and asked the audience, "Do y'all want to watch them, or us??"

People cheered.

"Get rid of those mothafuckas!"

The entire crowd turned on the brawlers and booted them out, and Tina picked up the song right where she left off.

902-wonder

There was a Steve Sanders sighting this morning in my building. The guy who delivers our paper walked in and asked me if I remember Steve from that "9021" show. I like this guy more and more. He works with his dad and brother, and they get up at 5 every morning to deliver paper to all of West LA. And apparently, he's a 90210 fan to boot.

So naturally when he asked me, I said, "obviously." He just rode up in the elevator with Steve. Apparently Steve's got a cast encasing his broken foot. (Does anyone know -- was this a result of his dancing with the stars?). He asked him if he's got any projects coming up, and Steve replied, "not with this thing!"

Band Seeks Awesome Name

So we're looking for a new name. For the un-initiated, I'm in a band that is currently called Muso (moose-o), but we're looking for a new name, for a few different reasons.

1. On paper, a lot of people don't know how to pronounce it. Usually we get called Muze-o or Mew-so. Somebody even called us Muse once. Sometimes even when we tell people, they keep calling us Muze-o. It's not their fault. We're the ones with the weird name.

2. Its meaning takes long to explain, and there's not much payoff frankly.

3. Copyright reasons that are too boring to go into.

4. We're recording another album, which is going really well, and we plan to make a big push with it in the coming months. At which time it'll be useful to have a cool name people can pronounce, we figure.

For ideas, we poured over books of antiquated and subculture slang (this book was especially great, if for no other reason than it introduced me to Ciazarn, the Pig Latin-esque language of Carnies). But overall the pickens were slim.

And I still haven't figured out -- what makes a good band name?

What I Like

Names that describe the music
1. Comets on Fire
2. The Howling Hex
3. The Clash
4. Lightnig Bolt
5. Maroon 5 (their music is as bland as their name)

Ambiguous
1. Wilco
2. Fugazi
3. The Decemberists
4. Vampire Weekend

(this category can get kind of unruly, though: Death Cab For Cutie)

Animals
1. The Mountain Goats
2. Grizzly Bear

What I Don't

Long and/or really indie names
1. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
2. Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin
3. Architecture in Helsinki
4. And You Will Know us By The Trail of Dead

Names that start with "The", with exceptions

What categories did I miss?

A Very John Waters Christmas