Thursday, June 02, 2005
Whoa
I heard a theory recently. It goes like this: Oprah is actually L. Ron Hubbard in a black lady suit. Hubbard's been dead for a while -- so we're told! Would you really be surprised -- with all the secrecy surrounding Scientology -- would you really be shocked if his death was an Andy Kaufman-esque hoax? Or, perhaps more in keeping with the "science" of Scientology -- if his body was cryogenically preserved until the perfect replacement specimen was agreed on by top Wizards in the church? I'm not saying he's always inhabited her body. I'm just proposing that her organs and blood were drained so that the withered Hubbard could step in and zip her up.
Anyway, I'm going about this backwards. That's all speculation. Here are the facts.
-Both have international fame, are considered infallible by most, and possess an eerie command over the minds of their followers
-Oprah LOVES Scientologists. From what I hear, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Tom Cruise are all regular guests, and personal friends.
Think about Tom Cruise's recent furniture-diving on her show. Does anyone besides Oprah's army actually buy that he's in love with Katie Homes? Clearly he was giddy to be in the presence of his Lord and savior. Perhaps he threw in a few extra shouts to get on her good side. Some day the Oprah suit will show its wear and tear, as all suits do after time. Maybe the Wizards will want a replacement celebrity. Is it so insane to think TC wants to step up to the plate??
To what end, you ask? Shit, I don't know. Dude, I'm not saying it's true. I'm just saying, whoa.
I heard a theory recently. It goes like this: Oprah is actually L. Ron Hubbard in a black lady suit. Hubbard's been dead for a while -- so we're told! Would you really be surprised -- with all the secrecy surrounding Scientology -- would you really be shocked if his death was an Andy Kaufman-esque hoax? Or, perhaps more in keeping with the "science" of Scientology -- if his body was cryogenically preserved until the perfect replacement specimen was agreed on by top Wizards in the church? I'm not saying he's always inhabited her body. I'm just proposing that her organs and blood were drained so that the withered Hubbard could step in and zip her up.
Anyway, I'm going about this backwards. That's all speculation. Here are the facts.
-Both have international fame, are considered infallible by most, and possess an eerie command over the minds of their followers
-Oprah LOVES Scientologists. From what I hear, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Tom Cruise are all regular guests, and personal friends.
Think about Tom Cruise's recent furniture-diving on her show. Does anyone besides Oprah's army actually buy that he's in love with Katie Homes? Clearly he was giddy to be in the presence of his Lord and savior. Perhaps he threw in a few extra shouts to get on her good side. Some day the Oprah suit will show its wear and tear, as all suits do after time. Maybe the Wizards will want a replacement celebrity. Is it so insane to think TC wants to step up to the plate??
To what end, you ask? Shit, I don't know. Dude, I'm not saying it's true. I'm just saying, whoa.
