Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Los Angeles, I'm Yours
At work, we get a sweet supply of magazines in the mail. Usually, they're addressed to attorneys who've died, been fired, quit, etc. Which for me means Magazine Party!! (You may recall this is what helped me strike metrosexual gold).
So I'm pondering this week's issue of Teen People, and as I'm about to flip past a Loreal ad in a rush for new Olsen twins pics, I stop 'cause the guy in the picture looks familiar. Now, living in LA, I've learned to resist this instinct, this recognition of beautiful people. When I see someone on screen or in a magazine who I think I know, 90% of the time I don't. I just know their weird alien species because they walk the streets here alongside Normals.
But this guy I'd definitely seen before. And then it hits me. Subtract the Seacrest highlights, and this is the lieing dumb-ass who I trained to be a receptionist at work six months ago. After two weeks, he was let go. Why? For being a lieing dumb-ass. I remember he had moved here to act despite never being cast in anything or taken an acting class. He might've seen a movie once. With acting. But that's about it. And now he's in magazines.
I've heard this story a hundred times. It doesn't really bother me any more. I'm just pissed 'cause I'd like some credit for his role. If you look closely, his expression suggests an attitude only an accomplished phone-smith can pull off... Maybe he really is good.
At any rate, Los Angeles, I'd like a new job, please. I'm smart, but not too smart. I don't even need to be in a picture. Indeed, it's better for everyone if I'm not. All I want is exorbitant sums of money for little to no effort. I've seen your clientele. I don't think I'm asking too much. Think it over and call me. I'm at work.
At work, we get a sweet supply of magazines in the mail. Usually, they're addressed to attorneys who've died, been fired, quit, etc. Which for me means Magazine Party!! (You may recall this is what helped me strike metrosexual gold).
So I'm pondering this week's issue of Teen People, and as I'm about to flip past a Loreal ad in a rush for new Olsen twins pics, I stop 'cause the guy in the picture looks familiar. Now, living in LA, I've learned to resist this instinct, this recognition of beautiful people. When I see someone on screen or in a magazine who I think I know, 90% of the time I don't. I just know their weird alien species because they walk the streets here alongside Normals.
But this guy I'd definitely seen before. And then it hits me. Subtract the Seacrest highlights, and this is the lieing dumb-ass who I trained to be a receptionist at work six months ago. After two weeks, he was let go. Why? For being a lieing dumb-ass. I remember he had moved here to act despite never being cast in anything or taken an acting class. He might've seen a movie once. With acting. But that's about it. And now he's in magazines.
I've heard this story a hundred times. It doesn't really bother me any more. I'm just pissed 'cause I'd like some credit for his role. If you look closely, his expression suggests an attitude only an accomplished phone-smith can pull off... Maybe he really is good.
At any rate, Los Angeles, I'd like a new job, please. I'm smart, but not too smart. I don't even need to be in a picture. Indeed, it's better for everyone if I'm not. All I want is exorbitant sums of money for little to no effort. I've seen your clientele. I don't think I'm asking too much. Think it over and call me. I'm at work.
